Like practically everyone in my generation, I am in a deeply committed relationship with my phone. We do everything together. We listen to music and podcasts, read the news, catch up with our friends, exercise… My phone is always on me and I use it for pretty much everything. It does maths, pays my bills, counts my steps, teaches me Spanish, orders me food, and more. So what else could I possibly need?
Don’t get me wrong; I’m ready for the next new thing. Hell, I’m ready for a chip in the brain. As long as the chip does all the same things as my phone. I’m not averse to new tech, I just don’t have any patience for half measures.
Wearable tech, as far as I can see, is a half measure. It’s good for one thing and one thing only. Exercise. That’s not something I’m personally very familiar with, but I understand the general premise. I see the value in gadgets like Fitbits and Pebbles that can monitor how far I run, what my heart rate is, how many calories I burn and all that jazz. Admittedly, my phone is a little too unwieldy to be effectively used for this purpose. So yeah, wearable tech for exercise is a go.
But that’s where I draw my line.
I don’t need a handbag that sparkles when I sing to it…
or a bracelet that let’s me know when I’m happy or stressed…
Just stick it into my phone! I don’t even need a smart watch or Google Glass.
Why would I need an Apple Watch if my iPhone can do all of the same things, and more, on a bigger screen, AND I don’t look like a comic book secret agent while using it? Why would I need Google Glass if I can do all the same things without having my vision impaired by pop up reminders and search results, and without having to wear them all the time, AND without looking like a total creeper when I’m forced to take a photo by winking. WINKING, people!
Not to mention how ugly some of this stuff is. I don’t mean in a cool geek-chic kind of way. I mean, genuinely unattractive. Of course, designers are furiously trying to come up with looks that might actually work, and Apple was on to a great thing when it thought to get some nice leather wrist bands onto its watches but at the end of the day; does space-tech really go with mom jeans and bomber jackets?
Given the fact that wearable tech so far doesn’t offer us anything we don’t already have and doesn’t go with anything in our wardrobes, it’s genuinely a wonder that companies expect us to pay the hundreds (if not thousands) of dollars they’re asking. You’re looking at around $1000 for an Apple watch and Google Glass was asking $1500 for their technological and visual monstrosity.
That’s a lot of money for something you already have, and something that will be redundant in a few short months when the next iteration is released.
I mean sure, if you’ve got the money to spend, who am I to tell you who to spend it? As for me, I’m staying faithful to my phone until brain implants become a thing.